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1. And lo, it came to pass that the LORD did manifest himself in the city of The Angels, that he might commune with Mel Gibson.

2. And saith the LORD "Mel, thou who art my truest and most faithful of all my followers, hearken unto my words.

3. "For hast thou created a motion picture about my son's life, and I am pleased, for he doth not call me often, and long didst I wonder what happened when he walketh upon the Earth, and thou hast shewn me.

4. "And although thy film is about my family, still didst I find that it dragged in spots, and verily, the gore was too explicit, and wouldst not be suitable for the younger and more elderly of my children."

5. And upon these words didst the LORD glower. "Now shalt ye know, my children the cinema owners have raised their voices unto me.

6. "They sayeth unto me, 'O LORD, we beseech thee, canst the motion picture of thy son's life be shortened, that we may add showings to each screen we operate, thereby increasing our revenue?'

7. Sayeth the LORD, "Go forth, my child, and make thee ready to cut thy motion picture in length, that the exhibitors may profit and multiply."

8. And Mel Gibson sayeth unto the LORD, "Thy will be done, in Hollywood as it is in Heaven."

9. Now sayeth the LORD unto Mel Gibson, "Know thou that the exhibitors say unto me 'But LORD, if we increase showings to each screen, even so shalt we increase sales of concessions and refreshments.

10. "'How then are we to provide for these multitudes?' sayeth they unto me.

11. "And this I sayeth unto them.

12. "'Go ye to thy popcorn, which once was enough to feed but a single patron.

13. "'Now find ye that thy popcorn hath increased, that where once was enough for one man is now enough to feed a multitude.'

14. "The LORD hath spake."

15. And it came to pass, in the cineplexes of the LORD, and great was the joy of the distributors and exhibitors. AMEN.