I was trying to fix a duck on an open fire.. it was just not salty
enough. So i got out my can of Morton salt from the cupboard, i
knocked over my blah blah burger mix, i was trying to get that up.
then someone knocked on the door. I had to run to the door (and the
duck is still on the open flame) it was the UPS man with my new book
by L Ron Hubbard. I just had to read up on what happens next in that
scientology wacko story with tom cruise and Nicole Kidman.
After I got the book, signed this electronic gizmo that I didn't want
to sign because it captures your signature and faxes it to the CIA and
they can track you with them satellites up in the sky.. i relented
and signed it as "Dr. Joe Blasmershismtskyloginghamno" hoping to
overload the thing with to many characters and hiding my Identity.
anyways i swept up the blah blah burger mix, then I go! WOAH i need
to day tade my stock! after all I am a Day Tader!!!! after I bough
4000 shares in A BIG company ! I go HOLY SHAZAM! I forgot the DUCK! I
ran quickly and freaked.. I couldn't remember if i had but salt on it
or not. I had only used 3 tablespoons of salt before this container..
so I quickly measured how much was in the round container.. it seems 5
was missing.. I called my wife.. asked her if she had used any.. she
said she had for her breakfast yesterday.. I informed her if she was
to use the salt to mark on the box how much she used.. she said she
was sorry and we said our goodbyes and she went on with her teaching
at the local high school (it took her 15 minutes to get to the
phone!!!!) this time i almost forgot about the other missing
tablespoon.. I called my brother who was over last week if he had used
any... no luck there... then I remember my dog.. of course he can't
speak so no luck there... then I ask by sister who sneaks in my house
and takes my copy of Time all the Time.. and replaces it with Life. I
hate life,, no not MY life.. but the magazine.. to many pictures.. I
need facts...
then I remember I left my National Geographic in the bathroom and it
gets humid and wet when people take a shower... well I was reading it
on the crapper... but I must read it! it helps the body fluids flow...
and keeps my dog a Happy Dog. (don;t ask why, he gets off on me
passing body fluids... he is hell getting out of the bed when my wife
is actually at home and not at her "friends" house she met on AOL. I
don't know what she does over at that woman's house.. she takes these
weird items over that look like plastic hotdogs with veins.. not
sure.. and she always takes the KY over too.. and she always comes
home tired.. I tell her she should let that woman work her so hard..
then I ran back to the kitchen after remember about the duck on the
open fire.. and the missing table spoon of salt.. my Cousin calls and
says that she borrowed a tablespoon of salt and a cup of sugar for her
coffee, i lecture her in marking to container and she says she will
comply in the future.. so I then know I haven't used any salt.. i
decided to pour some on the duck to make it salt a bit.. ad flavor..
and when i turn the container over.. it starts to burn! ther is a
large hole and all the salt falls onto the Duck.. I start quickly
trying to lick it off, but all I do is burn my tongue and i talk funny
now when someone calls trying to sell a magazine, they think I said
yes now I have a 5 year subscription to Grit.. and I don't even it
grits.. why do I need a complete magazine on Girts??? all i know is my
duck is now on fire.. I try to pour some of my Whiskey on it (hey I
like a glass when I cook? doesn't every guy? but WOWZERS!!!! it starts
a flare up and now i have this large fire on.. i get some water put it
out... but now the open flame i was roasting the duck over is
out!!!!!! i try lighting the fire again but no luck it is way to wet
to start anything... then I get an idea... i have some nail polish I
was using from last night (ok ok ok my wife get kinky and likes to
paint my nails...I think she likes girls better and wants me to become
one. I seem to be growing tities.. she always begs me to eat my
oatmeal... ) anyway i pour that under it. thinking this shouldnt harm
anything.. and light it... WOAH!!!! you have never seen such sparks
and flames shoot up... you would think a gas stove would do this!!!
by this time my neighbors are coming over for lunch... and i had to
quickly put the fire out... I grab the Whiskey AGAIN!!!!!!!!! what a
day... I finally put the water on it get it out.. I run to the
bathroom with the duck.. use the hair dryer.. but it blows off all the
salt! I cant believe it.... so I fund these bath salts.. and put on
the duck... and run to the kitchen and serve it....
they had the nerve to say it was a bit salty but it was ok...
so use this recipe and less salt.. and make your guests happy!!!
enough. So i got out my can of Morton salt from the cupboard, i
knocked over my blah blah burger mix, i was trying to get that up.
then someone knocked on the door. I had to run to the door (and the
duck is still on the open flame) it was the UPS man with my new book
by L Ron Hubbard. I just had to read up on what happens next in that
scientology wacko story with tom cruise and Nicole Kidman.
After I got the book, signed this electronic gizmo that I didn't want
to sign because it captures your signature and faxes it to the CIA and
they can track you with them satellites up in the sky.. i relented
and signed it as "Dr. Joe Blasmershismtskyloginghamno" hoping to
overload the thing with to many characters and hiding my Identity.
anyways i swept up the blah blah burger mix, then I go! WOAH i need
to day tade my stock! after all I am a Day Tader!!!! after I bough
4000 shares in A BIG company ! I go HOLY SHAZAM! I forgot the DUCK! I
ran quickly and freaked.. I couldn't remember if i had but salt on it
or not. I had only used 3 tablespoons of salt before this container..
so I quickly measured how much was in the round container.. it seems 5
was missing.. I called my wife.. asked her if she had used any.. she
said she had for her breakfast yesterday.. I informed her if she was
to use the salt to mark on the box how much she used.. she said she
was sorry and we said our goodbyes and she went on with her teaching
at the local high school (it took her 15 minutes to get to the
phone!!!!) this time i almost forgot about the other missing
tablespoon.. I called my brother who was over last week if he had used
any... no luck there... then I remember my dog.. of course he can't
speak so no luck there... then I ask by sister who sneaks in my house
and takes my copy of Time all the Time.. and replaces it with Life. I
hate life,, no not MY life.. but the magazine.. to many pictures.. I
need facts...
then I remember I left my National Geographic in the bathroom and it
gets humid and wet when people take a shower... well I was reading it
on the crapper... but I must read it! it helps the body fluids flow...
and keeps my dog a Happy Dog. (don;t ask why, he gets off on me
passing body fluids... he is hell getting out of the bed when my wife
is actually at home and not at her "friends" house she met on AOL. I
don't know what she does over at that woman's house.. she takes these
weird items over that look like plastic hotdogs with veins.. not
sure.. and she always takes the KY over too.. and she always comes
home tired.. I tell her she should let that woman work her so hard..
then I ran back to the kitchen after remember about the duck on the
open fire.. and the missing table spoon of salt.. my Cousin calls and
says that she borrowed a tablespoon of salt and a cup of sugar for her
coffee, i lecture her in marking to container and she says she will
comply in the future.. so I then know I haven't used any salt.. i
decided to pour some on the duck to make it salt a bit.. ad flavor..
and when i turn the container over.. it starts to burn! ther is a
large hole and all the salt falls onto the Duck.. I start quickly
trying to lick it off, but all I do is burn my tongue and i talk funny
now when someone calls trying to sell a magazine, they think I said
yes now I have a 5 year subscription to Grit.. and I don't even it
grits.. why do I need a complete magazine on Girts??? all i know is my
duck is now on fire.. I try to pour some of my Whiskey on it (hey I
like a glass when I cook? doesn't every guy? but WOWZERS!!!! it starts
a flare up and now i have this large fire on.. i get some water put it
out... but now the open flame i was roasting the duck over is
out!!!!!! i try lighting the fire again but no luck it is way to wet
to start anything... then I get an idea... i have some nail polish I
was using from last night (ok ok ok my wife get kinky and likes to
paint my nails...I think she likes girls better and wants me to become
one. I seem to be growing tities.. she always begs me to eat my
oatmeal... ) anyway i pour that under it. thinking this shouldnt harm
anything.. and light it... WOAH!!!! you have never seen such sparks
and flames shoot up... you would think a gas stove would do this!!!
by this time my neighbors are coming over for lunch... and i had to
quickly put the fire out... I grab the Whiskey AGAIN!!!!!!!!! what a
day... I finally put the water on it get it out.. I run to the
bathroom with the duck.. use the hair dryer.. but it blows off all the
salt! I cant believe it.... so I fund these bath salts.. and put on
the duck... and run to the kitchen and serve it....
they had the nerve to say it was a bit salty but it was ok...
so use this recipe and less salt.. and make your guests happy!!!
