OK, so Monday night Rey challenged me and said I wouldn't have the juevos to post what he considers far more offensive than anything he's written. Depite now being sober, I said I'd do it then, and I'll still do it now.

So thanks to Rey, you may now partake of "Step Daddy." (all rights reserved, currently in use by Single Entendre)

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<Father sitting reclined, bottle of cheap beer open at his side as he reads through some porn>

Daughter <dressed to look young - comes in and stands watching F reading>

F: What do you want?

D: Where’s mommy?

F: Working late.

D: <pause> Why is she always working and you never do?

F: Because your mommy isn’t lucky enough to get unemployment.

D: Oh. What’s unemployment?

F: It’s where the state sends you a check every two weeks for pretending to look for work and going to strip clubs.

D: Why doesn’t mommy get unemployment too?

F: Because lap dances don’t pay for themselves, and someone has to make up the extra.

D: Oh… <F begins taking a drink> Daddy, I think my body is changing…

F: <spitting> What?

D: I’m starting to get boobies. See?

F: Uh, yeah… real nice… With luck you won’t be flat chested like your mother.

D: Daddy, where do babies come from?

F: I told you before, don’t call me “daddy”, call me Rick. And why don’t you ask your mother when she gets home.

D: ‘Cause when she gets home you guys always lock yourself in your room and play.

F: Hehehe, yeah. Your mom’s a horny little bitch sometimes.

D: Will I grow up to be a horny little bitch too?

F: Well, if you’re lucky. Men like horny little bitches. Just remember to let them do anything they want and you’ll be very popular.

D: So where do babies come from?

F: Uhhh… I still think you should ask your mom.

D: But she’s not here, and I want to know. Susie says a stork brings them, and Monica says that they grow underneath trailers.

F: Well, Susie and Monica are both full of shit. Don’t they teach you this stuff in school?

D: They’re supposed to, but I heard the principal say that they can’t because the religious pricks on the city council have their heads up their ass.

F: Well… I still think you should ask your mother.

D: But I want to know now!

F: Ask your…

D: Please???

F: Fine… OK… Well, it’s like this. When a boy and a girl, or a boy and a couple girls all like each other a lot they go get drunk together. Or sometimes they’ll do some blow. Then after they all kiss, the girls start getting naked and playing with each other, and then they give the guy a blowjob.

D: What’s a blowjob?

F: It’s when good little girls suck on a boy’s dick. Here, like this <points to picture in magazine>

D: Oh…

F: Then after they have him all nice and hard they get on their hands and knees and let him stick his dick into whatever hole he wants to fuck. Like this picture here, or this one here.

D: That looks like her bottom, daddy…

F: Don’t call me daddy, and it is. See, she’s better than other girls because she knows there’s three different ways she can make a man happy.

D: Oh! That sounds pretty smart!

F: Exactly! Then they all bounce around a lot until the boy has had enough, then he dumps a load all over her face, like in this picture here. Then the girls clean each other off, like this one, while the boy rests and gets ready to do it again.

D: But how are the babies made?

F: Well, if the guy dumps his load into her and forgets to wear a rubber then God curses him with a kid, and for 9 months he can’t get any from the girl and then has to pay for his mistake the rest of his life.

D: Oh… that sounds bad…

F: It is, so always remember to carry rubbers with you, it’s the girl’s responsibility.

D: OK, I’ll always remember that!

F: <getting back to reading magazine> Good, now run along and start experimenting with Susie and Monica.

D: They’re both grounded…

F: Oh…

D: Can you show me how to give a blowjob?

F: No.

D: Please???

F: Do you promise not to tell mommy?

D: Yes, Rick.

F: OK, let’s go… And call me Daddy.

<exit>